literature

Tomb World

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Daily Deviation

Daily Deviation

May 20, 2012
Tomb World by ~dull-glitter Suggester Writes: I love the sharp, brutally honest quality of Tomb World. It's a poem that leaves echoes in your mind.
Featured by BeccaJS
Suggested by Solarune
dialtonepoetry's avatar
Published:
3.6K Views

Literature Text

buy the war bonds to my body
buy tickets to the air raid of my soul
trenches on my wrists
fight the somme across my stomach
machine gun pock marks
bombs, my flesh shakes

no land,
only lines to cross
and three miles of blood and barbed wire marshes

protect the soldiers
but there are no defenses
the western front is failing

TO ARMS!

shells that are empty
(I am empty)

the skies
(my eyes)
lighting up with flares
there's only smoke left
up there
(clouds my mind)

we left our masks behind and now we'll all go blind

packed in here, piled in
like cattle
like corpses

where is the axis?
we've been in here three days.
is there still a sky?
we've been in here a hundred years.
are we all dead?
are we blast shadows on the wall?

the war is over
but the trenches are deep
(trenches are deep)
(trenches are deep)
Feedback questions:
1) Favorite part?
2) How is the flow?
3) Any awkward or cliche lines?

Critique for :iconthewrittenrevolution: [link]

EDIT: OH WOW, a DD! I don't even know what to say... I'm extremely honored! Thank you :iconsolarune: for the suggestion and :iconbeccalicious: for the feature!
:heart::heart::heart::D

EDIT 2: MY friend :iconkimyoshiko: drew some amazing art to go along with the poem:
Lighting Up With Flares [link]
© 2012 - 2024 dialtonepoetry
Comments61
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AsteriaSinclair's avatar
The imagery, just grand.